Well? Do you?
Maybe you have just gone away for a few minutes and scribbled it all down? All of your wishes to fulfil your deepest sexual desires? Being clear about what you want is a fantastic start and already puts you ahead of many of us. In fact, it was quite surprising by just how unclear most of us were at our last workshop. But you have written it down now. Excellent. So now what?
That is exactly what Dannie, our Magical Sex Fairy, explored with us during her workshop “Get What You Want From Sex“. It was a very interactive, fun and, at times, challenging workshop and nobody left without an epiphany or two or at least having their belief system rattled up to a healthy extend.
She did get us thinking about all the things we want. What would complete sexual freedom look like? Oh yes, that lifted the mood to unknown heights! We had some kinky ladies amongst us, let me tell you.
So we are getting clear on what it is we want. Great. Job done, yes? We are now off to just head out into the world and get it all, right? WRONG! Oh so wrong. Because now, you see, now we are still so pumped full of our limiting beliefs, our “should”s and “should not”s, that most of us would not dare ask for it. Or should we? Oh here we go again. We can thank society for that one…
Ah, but Dannie had a great idea: A “should” or “should not” is very disempowering. It is a statement, whether it is true or false. Hard to argue with that. But replace either of those with “could” and it becomes a choice.
To give you an example, I will share a very personal “should” and a “should not” from my own list with you:
I should be a good girl. I should not be a slut.
Now turn that into a choice:
I could be a good girl. I could be a slut.
Now I can think about what either one of these terms actually mean to me and whether they even matter. And not only that, I can even dip in and out of them. Maybe one day I want to be good, another one I want to unleash my inner slut. And that’s ok, because now I have a choice.
I have to be honest, my own list of “should”s and “should not”s was about as long as my arm and when Jannette read it back to me, I did get a little teary eyed and overwhelmed by the pressure of the responsibility that came with all these expectations of what I should or should not do and who I should or should not be. FUCK THAT! I could give a toss, but guess what, after Dannie’s intervention I choose to say a big old FUCK IT to that! Life is too short!
So here are Dannie’s Top Tips to get what you want from Sex:
- Know your limiting beliefs – write down all your “should”s and “should not”s. Then give yourself a CHOICE by replacing “should” and “should not” with “COULD”
- Be clear about what you want from sex. Think about this – fantasize, have fun, let your imagination run wild. Then write it down and practice asking for what you want. You can do that in front of a mirror or with a friend. And remember to:
- NOT shrink back. Stand in your full power.
- Speak with your full voice. You are a woman, not a little girl. Don’t use a little girl’s voice.
- NOT apologise for what you want.
- Leave it at that – once you have said what you want, don’t tag anything at the end. You said what you had to say.
I want you to eat my pussy – and make a meal of it!
Unapologetically! After all, what’s the big deal with a bit of journeying down south? 😉
Dannie ended this amazing evening with an exclusive offer for our Scarlet Ladies to one of her upcoming assertiveness workshops at £150 instead of £180 if you quote “SLT”.
- Assertiveness for Women – Wed 28th October 2015, 10am – 5pm
- Assertiveness for Relationships (Friends, Family & Partners) – Friday 4th December 2015, 10am – 5pm
- Assertiveness for Actors – Wednesday 11th November 2015, 10am – 5pm
- Brilliant Assertiveness for All – Wednesday 3rd February 2016, 10am – 5pm
And one of her favourite quotes: